Tips for Tuesday: What to do when Littles say "I don't know"

"Help!  I ask my Little what he would like to do during our visits and he always answers with,  I don't know."   "What should I do?!"

This is just one example of several questions we receive from Bigs over the course of a match span.  Since it is so common amongst matches, we thought we'd offer some suggestions to help guide you along the way of developing a lasting friendship with your Little.

First, as difficult as it may be, please do not take it personally.  It can be a fear for some Bigs that this means their Little doesn't like hanging out or isn't having fun.  Rest assured this is not the case.  Often times, Littles simply just don't know how to respond or may not feel fully comfortable yet in the friendship to offer suggestions.

Many of the children in our program have not had the opportunity to see what the community has to offer or what ideas to suggest.  To help your Little through this process and empower them to make decisions we've outlined a few tips to try...

1.  Always give options when deciding what to do during visits.  Depending on the age of your Little you may want to suggest 2-4 options.  Instead of simply asking Littles what they want to do, come up with a few activity ideas for Littles to pick from each time.  With time, they will feel more comfortable with making the decision and might get to the point of coming up with activities on their own.
*Remember, when giving options choose ideas you are prepared to do if chosen.  Keep ideas simple and inexpensive

2.  Create a list of ideas with your Little that you think you would like to do together.  Be prepared to come up with your own ideas to get the process started.  Utilize your Match Coordinator in this process for activity suggestions.

3.  Choose ideas listed on the E-Update.  For those of you who aren't familiar, this is a bi-weekly newsletter that your Match Coordinator emails to you providing community events and activity ideas.  If you're not receiving the E-Update, please let your Match Coordinator know!

4.  Drive or walk around the community and show your Little what opportunities are available.

5.  Take turns, depending on the age of your Little (the older the better for this tip), discuss during your match visits how you would like he/she to have more say in determining how you'll spend your time together.  Alternate visit by visit and take turns deciding what to do. 
*Remember to set boundaries around money spending

6.  Utilize the Resource Room located in the Big Brothers Big Sisters office.  Bring your Little along to choose an item to check out or check out several items yourself and let your Little decide during your visit. 
*Remember, the Resource Room can be made available to you after office hours if necessary


Developing a friendship is not always easy, but hard work does pay off!  Continue to remain consistent with your visits and praise your Littles as they begin to gain a sense of empowerment throughout this process!